i'm not insane, i insulate
please shock, i don't see at all as real
i'm the cellophane, i'm not so tame

Tonight, Ry and I went to take care of our new place, which we're moving into in like a week. A damn week is all I have left in my house where I've lived for the last 20 years. I can't believe it. Tomorrow I'm working on the place with Ry, and measuring it out, and bringing stuff from my house over. Lots of hardcore tricky stuff needs to be done. We also went to the casino, where I ended down 10 bucks over the night, but I did get 4 free diet cokes, and a wonderful new nicotine aroma (at least a 20 dollar value).

I'm growing total Deaner facial hair, at least until I can get a solid job interview. I'll have a pic in a couple days.. for it will r0x0r j00r b0x0rs d00d. Oh yes, and Miss hotness chats up mayhem like nobody else. The intrigue, it grows...

Don't tell anybody this, but work on the VMU interface for CatanDC is going well. Lots more to do, but it looks like I can get it done if I can get a couple of free evenings here and there.

My back has been feeling so bad since Monday. Thank you Aspirin + Molson for your wonderful drug interactions. Also, thank you Starbucks for keeping me up til' fricken' 3:15 in the morning.. SUMATRA RULES.

Listening To : Limblifter - Cellophane

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Just got back from the video store, returned Fubar and Doom Generation. Gee I love Rose McGowan, but some of the acting in that flick is so ... almost Ed Wood quality. Although I think that may have been the goal. And seeing Parker Posey chase them all around with a ninja sword is totally worth watching that movie.

Mom made such a nice dinner tonight, I fell asleep at like 6:30... didn't wake up again until 9:00... I love being done school.

I also met a hottie on Lavalife. We ended up chatting 'til very late last night (thus the need for an evening nap). I hope we have lots more thought provoking conversations, and maybe more.

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This is the twilight of my youth. I defended my MSc. thesis yesterday and it went really well, excellent comments were given by the examiners, and I have a very few corrections to do, and then I'm out of university. Today held some major realizations for me. Today is a day known on the University of Calgary campus as Bermuda Shorts Day. Traditionally for my group of friends and I, we went all out when we were undergrads. We all got older and wiser and lamer as we progressed into our Master's degrees (those of us who did), and BSD's haven't been the same. I decided that because this BSD would be my last, I would try and recapture that experience of getting tanked, hanging out and cruising campus for trouble. It wasn't the same, and no matter where I looked I couldn't see the place for me in all the happenings. No mech barbecue. No hot tub on the lawn. Couldn't get into the beer gardens. Nothing. I went for lunch with Ryan, and Rob and Ingrid came to join us. We watched the bands play from the grad lounge, like patrons of a zoo watching animals behind glass. I wanted to be in the zoo, but my place was as an observer rather than a participant. I was so disappointed and felt so old and lame.

The lesson I've learned is this, you have to enjoy youthful fun and foolishness while you're young, because you can't go back to the way things were once you've grown up. I don't fit in as a 24 year old where I once did as an 18 year old, and this is hard to take at times but it's the truth. This may not come as a surprise to you, but it came as a surprise to me. I still feel like an 18 year old kid inside. I am happy with the memories I made with my friends during my undergrad, just as I'm happy with the times we've shared during the last few years that I've been a grad student. But I've come to realize for myself that that feeling is just a memory, and it can't be recaptured, it's just something that has to be appreciated for what it was.

You can even still get tanked, still have fun and still do all the same things you did when you were 18, but it will never be the same for you as when you were 18. The feeling can be fun, the people around you can be just as awesome but it will never feel exactly the same. Instead of clinging to the old things that used to make you feel good, I think you have to find new things as you grow older, because some of these things just aren't appropriate for you when you've grown older. If you're young, go and enjoy those things to the fullest (while being somewhat careful of course :D) because they won't always be available to you. So that's my "coming of age" sentiment at the moment.

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A long time ago we used to be friends, but I haven't thought of you lately at all,
If ever again a greeting I send to you, short and sweet to the soul I intend.

So this is what I get for drinking a uberlarge coffee at 9:00 at night. So this is basically a recap of this last month when instead of blogging I've been writing a computer (or rather, Dreamcast) game that no doubt some of you have heard of from the Catan-DC link on my toolbar. My girl got sick. We haven't talked a lot. I'm not sure if she's my girl anymore, or if she's just too busy to talk to me. Whatever, this is my frustration. I nearly had a heart attack because my grades transcript shows me being 0.5 courses behind my degree requirements, I was undercredited for my reading class I took in the first year of my program. My thesis is done and circulated to the defense committee, and I'm looking for a job. Send me info on good design/petroleum engg jobs in Calgary, if you have a lead you'd like to share. I'm applying all over the place. I had a big fight with my parents and I'm moving out. I have an apartment set up with my best friend, and I'm moving in May 1st. I quit playing Street Fighter (I'm playing 1 more time, at my good friend Kevin's goodbye party, and then never again.), and managed to lose my temper and probably isolate a good chunk of my friends in the scene. I've been hanging out with my favorite ex-girlfriend a lot though, which has been very cool and has made me feel a little better about all the stuff going on. The Dandy Warhols are releasing a new album which is looking to be the awesomest thing to hit the scene in a long time.

Oh yeah, and a war happend, or rather started. And I have a friend that I hate to fight with who really seems to enjoy egging me on. As the Strokes say, "we're not enemies, we just disagree". I have more to say but I will begin with the fact that any disputing opinions will be proved right or wrong with history, and I certainly hope the best for both the Iraqi and American peoples in the end. Loss of life is a tragedy in any case, although it is sometimes a sacrifice made for the greater good. This war in Iraq is a reality we all have to face now. Drawing conclusions as to its ultimate effect now is simply throwing stones for the sake of throwing stones.

The core of ultra-leftist and anti-American arguments seems (to me at least) to stem from an intense bitterness that these people can't seem to detach themselves from. To me it seems that people are not so much unhappy with the war itself (Saddam is a brutal leader, and his people are undeniably oppressed) but with the surrounding American agenda of secured oil production. My opinion is that some people so vehemently despise American hegemony (and the globalism which accompanies it) that they will go to extreme lengths to criticize any pro-American agenda. This attitude is contrarian at its core, and can't be simply resolved in the context of social opinions.

These are my thoughts for critics of American oil production. Undeniably, the U.S. is the center of a cultural hegemony! Get over it, you can't stop it's effects! It's too late for that! It's a reality that must be dealt with, and no single person (and arguably, not even a large scale cultural movement) can alter its course at this point. For American civilization to satisfy the demands of ultra-leftists (stop violations of sovereignty, rollback globalization, etc.), civilization would need to be turned back 200 years, and everyone would have to go back to being subsistance farmers. How do I get this result? I'm gonna wax James Burke on you here for a bit so bear with me. The wealth and products that go into the average "first worlder"'s consumption comes from globalization and heavy industrialization, and the first step in these things is, you guessed it, oil.

Why do we need oil? Because without oil, a modern culture and economy can't function. Oil is used to make, among things, gasoline. Gasoline (which is made of a mixture of octanes, hexanes and heptanes, along with other things) happens to be one of a very select group of fuels which (get out your University Chemistry textbook):

  • are liquid in the normal atmpospheric temperature (-30C to 40C) and pressure (STP) range
  • have a high enough activation energy to not explode accidentally, but low enough to be activated practically
  • release enough energy to be chemically efficient
  • are relatively mechanically stable (don't react catastrophically in accidental circumstances, ie Hydrogen)
  • are easily vaporized

Without gasoline, we don't have cars (for shipping or people transit). The industry behind cars is hopelessly devoted to this configuration, so society is essentially married to the concept of fossil fuel powered vehicles until a significantly more practical solution is developed (which it hasn't).

Without cars, people can't get places fast enough and conveniently enough to live in the size of cities (geographically, not-population based. Calgary takes up approximately 1200 square kilometers by my estimate, and only has about a million people living here) that we do. No large cities means heavy industry can't function as it currently does. Workers need to be able to get to work, and still have a place to live, but how many people want to live within walking distance of a steel mill or power plant? The design of our cities was specifically made to isolate industrial spaces from residential spaces. Cities are not an easily rearranged thing, so all of a sudden our infrastructure is screwed up.

So no workers means no heavy industry. No heavy industry means no more products (manufactured food, clothing, furnature, houses, electronics or anything else). And without our manufactured goods, guess what, we'll have to provide for ourselves! You can't work as a specialist, technologist, or entertainer and still grow your own food and make your own clothes etc.! Guess what this job description sounds like.. that's right, a farmer!

We aren't ready to get rid of gasoline yet. First world civilization is dependant on oil. This goes out to the protesters out there who think they're so smart and hip for wearing mass-produced t-shirts spouting "no blood for oil". When you made that t-shirt from cotton you picked, spun, dyed and customized yourself, all the while eating food you grew yourself, and walked to the rally from your house you built yourself, then you can proceed to criticize those who make civilization work, because you don't need civilization as it exists. Until then you're just another bandwagon jumping consumer who's hungry for attention. If you really want to be useful, go to school and try solving the practical problems (like the fuel problem), which may not be as fun or glamorous as protesting every day, but it's a hell of a lot more constructive.

My favorite leftist comment of the week comes from Moby, of all people, who said on his website "i hope (even more fervently and because i'm concerned for the welfare of the united states and the rest of the world) that george w. bush will be roundly and soundly defeated in the next election." These are reasonable words, not outrageous gongbanging like I've been reading and hearing all over the place (equating Bush to Hitler, for example). Have you ever been to a concentration camp? I've been to a little place called Dachau. They have places just like it functioning in North Korea right now. I don't know of any in the U.S.. Point made.

Listening To : The Dandy Warhols - We Used to Be Friends

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